International Gift Giving Day

Okay, so there's no way I'd really refer to Christmas as International Gift Giving Day, but it really is a shame that we, as a collective society, have managed to place such stressful, and shallow, economic pressures on the holiday season.

George and I will be packing the car up and shipping our asses back to Vegreville this afternoon, where I will then proceed to gorge myself on Christmas treats and honeyed hams - whole hams - for two consecutive days. During this time, the gang (which would include an assortment of chums and buddies) will attempt to throw together a road hockey game of monumental proportions, if for no other reason than to burn off the turkey stuffing and make way for Turtles, Toffifee, and Ferrero Roche, er, Fer...ro...F...ah, whatever. I just pretend they're little chocolate planets, while I, Unicron, greedily devour their inhabitants one morsel at a time.

I would divulge the rest of my holiday plans, but the United States of America has descended in to Yellow, no Blue, no, shit!, ORANGE ALERT, and I must observe a state of "increased awareness." I'd sure hate for some uber-Grinch terrorists to rain Anthrax down on my merry festivities.

Currently: Wondering why I didn't go to bed 7 hours previously

Down to Burritos

In the beginning, there was nothing.

Well, to be more exact, there was nothing but my jacket/pillow and a pile of pocket change, the first night I ever slept in my apartment. I didn't even sleep in my new bedroom, but opted to test out the floor of my new living room. It was August 1, and even though I was living just slightly below ground level, the ceiling fan from the kitchen turned the living room in to an Arctic Paradise when compared with the stuffy bedroom. Quite frankly, I enjoy laying on the floor - always have. In fact, I can still recall sleeping under the kitchen table at my parent's place because it was something interesting to try out. Even my mother can attest to the fact that I frequently used to lie on the kitchen floor, forcing her to step over me while preparing supper.

Supper was one thing that my apartment was completely incapable of providing me. The fridge didn't even contain a box of baking soda, and even the ice cube tray was empty. Tagging along with my parents and sister to Costco quickly changed this scenario, though my major edible purchase was a bag of 36 frozen microwave burritos. Having no microwave at the time, I reasoned that these fine morsels would hasten my decision to purchase a nuker, because there was no way I'd wait 20 minutes to cook one in the oven.

Over four months later, and having only owned a microwave since I ransacked my uncle's basement during the Grey Cup, those very same burritos are pretty much the only thing I've got left in the place. Chicken and pork chops have come and gone. Instant mashed potatoes and Shake-n-Bake used to ruled the roost. But now, as Christmas fast approaches and I'm hesitant to re-stock my shelves before the New Year, those gut-busting popsicles of frozen meat paste are all that stand between nourishment and starvation.

Having eaten spicy beef burritos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, a stretch of Ghandi-esque fasting is looking more appealing with each processed bite.

Currently listening to: BOMBLE - bomble's ballbag!

Life.rom

Looking back on the majority of my posts for the past month, I've noticed an alarming trend - a great deal of them deal with immersing myself in videogames. At the age of 23, many individuals would be a little sheepish to admit that such things still command frequent attention in their lives, but I'm certainly not one of those individuals. Granted, I do commit my energies to other pursuits, and many of these posts have gone up after late-night playing sessions, making videogames the freshest topic on my mind.

But if University has taught me one thing (and thank God it's been more than one thing) it's that videogames are absolutely necessary components of a healthy learning environment. For multitudes of students, and young adults in general, cable TV is an expensive luxury that can be done away with, and the Internet fast becomes redundant and dull. Between trying to juggle your course work, part-time job, and social responsibilities, videogames are a comfortable haven to focus your thoughts and temporarily escape the vying stresses of your life.

As a child of the 80's, I was raised on overtly-Conservative cartoons and videogames, so what better way to relax than regressing for a moment into childhood bliss.

Currently: Waiting for George to arrive from Vancouver

eMachine EMT

This morning I...aw, who am I kidding...this afternoon I was woken by one of the most irritating, persistent noises I've ever had the misfortune of audibly processing. At first I thought it was coming from outside, from the parking lot, where some jerk was running his car, knowing full well that his fan belt had fewer days ahead than already past. But no, the sound intensified as I stumbled out of my room in to the living room, where I discerned through the darkness that it was coming from my computer!

Now, I didn't piece this thing together myself, but I am aware that moving, mechanical parts are few and far between in this electronic device, and they rarely come in to play while in standby mode. Who would have thought that little 2" fan attached to my motherboard could emit such a cacophony of groans. Cleaning a noticeable caking of dust off the internal components did little to silence the problem, so I was forced to do what I used to do with the Festiva when it emitted strange clunks and pangs - crank the tunes louder.

So, with the help of iTunes and some of my favourite internet radio stations, I effectively evaded fixing the problem, and ushered my computer that much closer to the brink of oblivion before the factory warranty expires. I should work at Future Shop.

Currently listening to: DJ Q-Bert - Wave Twisters

"Enmity it all!"

As my final exam schedule nears it's completion, I can honestly say I look back on my study-time with fond memories of perseverance and determination - such as the determination to complete Splinter Cell in close to one sitting.

Now, I bought this game when it first shipped, and played it like a madman for the first week I owned it, but I recently accomplished more in the span of 48 hours than I had previously done in the past year. Don't ask me why, don't ask me how - maybe the planets were out of alignment or Safeway Select cola wasn't stimulating my neural pathways - but up until this latest surge of playing, I'd never been able to complete level 3. I was surprised, and a little chagrined, to learn that the completion of this relatively short level was anticlimactic and easy, in fact, almost laughably so. But so help me God, I could not find the guy with the briefcase before time ran out and the whole offshore rig incincerated to ashes. Fast forward 8 months, as I re-play the level, turn a corner I'd turned a hundred times, and walk right in to the guy. "Well enmity, that bastard was easy to find."

With newfound vigour I bunkered down for the homestretch and sneaked, sniped, and s...er...hmmm...strafed my way through levels 4 to 9. Having completed the game, I am now left with the gamers remorse, but have vowed to continue working my way though my game collection, with Metroid Prime clearly in my sights. But if I'm to do it, I'd better do it before Christmas, 'cause I have a sneaking suspicion I'll be getting Prince of Persia from Santa, you know, considering I had to walk his representatives down to the store, point the game out, have the videogame Key Master open the case, and wait while they paid for it with their MasterCard.

Currently: Setting up my very first Christmas tree - no lights but plenty of balls.

Procrastination Junction

One can only study Sociology for so long, you know, before ever fibre in your being screams for you to do something, anything else. Tonight, it just so happened to be cataloguing my video games. Now, this isn't an exhaustive list of every game I've owned, because that would include titles from the following systems:

01) NES
02) Game Boy
03) Super NES
04) Virtual Boy
05) PlayStation
06) Nintendo 64
07) Sega Saturn
08) PlayStation 2
09) Gamecube
10) Game Boy Advance

Instead, I've merely compiled the games I currently have in my possession, whether they be legitimate purchases or emulated ROMs. It's only a start, but I've already listed 159 games total. You can check the list out here.

I would finish the list, but ever since Gregg mentioned Jeremy was enthralled with Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell for Gamecube, I dusted it off and began playing it again...and as can be expected, I am firmly in it's pixelated grasp.

Currently listening to: Genox - Budapest Homeboy

Long Live the Grill

I was completely shocked and appalled to see that my good friend Gregg was incapable of stomaching two consecutive fast food meals in the span of mere hours. For an entire year I lived off nothing but fast food and water - and survived to tell about it! My rigorous eating schedule played out as follows:

Monday: McDonald's - cheap McChickens
Tuesday: KFC - Toonie Twosdays
Wednesday: McDonald's - cheap Hamburgers
Thursday: Burger King - cheap Whoppers/Wendy's - extra value menu
Friday: Burger King - cheap Whoppers/Wendy's - extra value menu
Saturday: Burger King - cheap Whoppers/Wendy's - extra value menu
Sunday: McDonald's - cheap Cheeseburgers

Quite frankly, I am very surprised that I survived the ordeal, and didn't end up morbidly obese or deathly malnourished. One thing can be certain, it most likely shaved several years off my life expectancy.

Currently listening to: Hoffman - Rewired Electronics

Domain Master

Bah! That's correct, every deep rooted feeling and experience I have about the Information Superhighway can quite easily be summed up with those three simple letters. Bah!

If the World Wide Web were, in fact, a real superhighway, like the marvels of modern engineering sorely lacking in Edmonton but found in abundance in quaint US cities like Seattle, there would be rest stops every 5 metres with magazine racks overflowing with hardcore pornography and floors littered with pop out advertising inserts. There would be access to bathrooms, but in order to actually open the stalls and use the toilet you'd need to pay for a 12-month subscription, where you'd then discover that an upgraded premium membership is necessary to get your hands on a few precious squares of 1-ply. To top it off, even regular vaccinations wouldn't save your sorry ass from catching a virus each and every time you took the motorcar out for a Sunday drive.

Aw hell, I should be studying anyways.

Currently listening to: Irina & MNO - 1000 Pieces

LOTR: Return of Blockbuster Video

Aw crap...

They say you have to have a really good memory to be a good liar, and if you tell yourself a lie long enough, it eventually becomes the truth. And I'm sure we've all experienced the sensation of waking up from a dream, believing that whatever you just dreamt (like owning that REALLY cool NES game you always wanted) has really happened, only to have cruel reality slap you in the face by the time you got out from under the covers.

Well, I'm not sure where this incident falls, but Blockbuster Video left me a message claiming that if I didn't return Lord of the Rings: Return of the King by midnight, they'd have no choice but to sick their goons on me. "Funny," I thought to myself, "Didn't I return that awesome game over a week ago...when it was already 2 weeks late!?" Well, to avoid reading another page of SOC 427 I began cleaning my apartment, and a very strange sensation overcame me as I stepped closer to my TV chair...like a repressed memory trying to claw it's way back to the surface. Spider-senses tingling, I flipped the chair over, and there it was, that damn game lying right there under the chair!

"How the fuck...!?"

Currently listening to: Saves The Day - Anywhere With You

My Precious

Having conceded that The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past is far too difficult to complete in the limited attention span I've got for it, I started to get the feeling that my burning desire to play video games for ridiculous stretches at a time had finally been quenched. Enter Blockbuster Video.

I'll be honest, I haven't rented a game in a long time, maybe even years, preferring to just go out and buy whatever game grabs my interest - a strategy which has worked wonderfully for my Gamecube, as every game I've got is considered great. But only a few of these games have left me bewildered and malnourished, blinking at the morning sun, unable to pry the controller out of my hand for days at a time. First it was Resident Evil, followed by Skies of Arcadia Legends, and most recently, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. But when I walked out of Blockbuster with The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, I had no idea what was in store for me.

After playing it for the better portion of the past 2 days, I've got to admit that it's a really fun game, but more importantly, it's just challenging enough to make you want to keep playing and earn your way to the next level. And with the incorporation of RPG level/skill building elements, it appeals to that side of me which took the time to level-up every member of my party to 99, in Final Fantasy III.

I feel like a kid again.

Currently: Taking a break to bathe and feed myself

Edmonton 64

Ah, it's beginning to look a whole lot like a white Christmas after all. I woke up this morning to a wall of light, fluffy snow blanketing the city; at least a foot judging by how wet my shoes and pants were during my first lecture.

As I drove to the University this morning - perhaps it was the lack of sleep, maybe even the tub of gummy bears I ate the night before - the thick snow mesmerised me, and the landscape took on a surreal appearance. It felt like I was in a first generation N64 racer, with "fog" hiding all objects in the distance, and horrendous pop-up startling me at the last second. As I marveled at the polygon count necessary to render the Legislature Building in such detail, I was quickly snapped back to reality as my car decided to drive in ruts from 2 separate lanes, causing me to glide down 109 Street at a 45 degree angle.

Realizing there was no "R" button to guide my powerslide, I was forced to straighten things out the old fashioned way, preventing an untimely demise in the River Valley, and scaring the crap out of all the morning commuters around me.

On a completely unrelated topic, that's twice my future housing plans have been sidetracked by abandonment, condemnation, and demolition. I always thought the old high school would be a nice fix-er-upper, and once they tore that down I set my sights on Morrow's house...

Currently: Playing LOTR:ROTK on Gamecube

Absolutely Necessary

I was just browsing around the Internet looking for anything which might peak my interest for Christmas presents, when I found this at gameskins.com:



They've got gamer t-shirts, and boy do some of their designs take me back.

Currently: Microwaving hot beef burritos in my new microwave

Mgmt.

After heavy consideration, and multiple conference calls with a consortium of highly distinguished website consulting companies, the proposed implementation of expanding the Shoutbox to include 7 posts, instead of the current 6, has been cancelled due to budgetary constraints and strict observance of web design feng-shui.

End Communication.

Currently: Contemplating the purchase of Final Fantasy XI

Hiatus Ended

Sweet merciful Lord, but it's nice to be back after my much-heralded One Month Anniversary. I don't know about you, but updating this Blog once, maybe twice a week really begins to wear a guy down, and the hilarious, spontaneous, incontabulous ideas don't always flow as freely as before. I hope you enjoy the changes I've made to the site, most notably expanding my Shoutbox to 7 posts, an incremental increase of 1, from the very vanilla setting of 6.

This past Saturday, I, along with a few of my fellow associates, enjoyed the sweet, succulent fruits (think Asian pear juiciness) of our diabolical scheming - the first kegger I've ever hosted, and what an evening it was. The evening of debauchery could not have been possible without some quick (and inebriated) thinking the week before, when Lambda Chi Alpha threw their first Keg Party in several years, which saw 4 kegs of Kokanee enter the house, but only 3 get tapped!

The fine young men who organized the party claimed they did not collect sufficient funds at the door to cover the cost of all the beer, so when we returned to the house several hours after the party had ended, to find the doors wide open, all the lights on, not a single soul in sight, and a full keg just sitting there, we really had no alternative but to purloin the sacred silver Ark of beer and smuggle it away in the trunk of my car.

Oh, the sheer unadulterated pleasure we reaped from the days which followed, with each cryptic ransom note raising their ire higher and higher - the threats, the pleading, the eventual acceptance of their inattentiveness - and the weakening of my rear shocks with every bump I traversed.

But every cloud has a silver lining, and the party thrown yesterday was a resounding success, enabling us to collect enough money to pay for the liberated keg, enjoy many a Boat Races, and recover this morning with nary a hint of a hangover. Up until the party I'd been battling a particularly stubborn cold, though it's now become clear that the sheer volume of beer I consumed has either scared those pesky viruses straight out of my system, or rendered them incapable of performing said cold-perpetuating duties.

What a great week, and God bless the dedicated folks working on liver replacement technology, wherever you are!

Currently listening to: Matthew Good - While We Were Hunting Rabbits

Golden Showers

As in the all-encompassing, victorious radiance of the Green and Gold, Edmonton's very own Eskimos! Now, I'm not one who regularly follows football, but since the Oilers don't look like they'll be hoisting Lord Stanley's Cup at any point during my remaining years on this Earth, I'll take any local sporting victory I can get.

It was very apparent that the gaggle of announcers employed by CBC were residents of that moral cesspool known as Eastern Canada, as they refused to acknowledge even once that Edmonton played well, and chose to sum up the game by outlining the unfortunate mistakes befalling the Montreal Alouettes. In fact, they took a break from their post-game discussion to kick puppies and vomit bile from their circumambulating heads.

Currently: Joining the Age of Atomics by getting a microwave

"Whoa..."

To put it quite frankly, Matrix Revolutions sucked donkey balls on such a grand scale, that mere written language cannot properly convey the details of this unfathomable plateau of disappointment.

I, along with Steph, Bender, and Ross, hoped to curb our lingering doubts about the movie by seeing it on the Imax screen, but for the combined $66.00 we spent on admission, it would have been far more frugal to simply bathe our eyes in hydrochloric acid and walk in to traffic. For the $16.50 each, however, we were treated to a theatre experience that did not include a single ad or preview, and a tremendous screen which I could only dream of using to play one of the many epileptic-inducing shooters that Dean has in his massive collection of video games.

When the movie ended, and thank God it eventually did, the assembled viewing audience arose from their seats, shuffled towards the exists, and did so in such a silent manner that you'd think an enforced vow of silence was included in the ticket price. I had but one thought going through my head, "Now that I've seen this third movie, I really wish they'd only made the first one."

Bah!

Currently: Playing the Beyond Good & Evil demo

Gots'tha Sauce

My unhealthy, crack-like cravings for sweet sauce and spicy meat has reached an all-time high, as I've begun the most insidious undertaking of my University career - the inception of and subsequent implementation of my Edmonton Donair Log Book.

The budding pages of this eventual donair tome keep track of all the necessary data I've accumulated, listing restaurant locations, toppings, and overall satisfaction. Arising from countless hours of wracking my brain, I've devised three distinct satisfaction categories - Excellent, Good, and Terrible (aka rat feces). Substituting Caesar salad dressing for the necessary sweet sauce almost instantly relegates any donair to the afore mentioned Terrible category, whereas the perfect blend of crisp, spicy meat, sweet sauce, complimentary toppings, and fresh pita will earn a much higher ranking, regardless of price, inconvenience, or resulting hours spent in the crapper for the next 3 days.

Taking advantage of my newly acquired Sociological Statistics capabilities, my log book will eventually be expanded to include numerous categories (serving size, price, atmosphere, xdays unsettled stomach) which will provide the necessary figures to plug in to my measures of central tendency and dispersion, thus allowing me to complete a parameter estimation on my overall donair satisfaction within the city of Edmonton.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to use the bathroom - for the sake of my continued research.

Currently: Heading back to Vegreville to crash Dean's "crib"

House Harkonnen

Curse working four consecutive months of graveyard shifts! Curse Tri-City Drilling to hell! My inner-clock, my circadian cycle, is still 12 hours opposite of what it should be, even two months after being back in school.

*eyes the clock wishing he'd been asleep four hours ago*

Well, I guess it is giving me ample time to catch up on my reading. I've read seven books in the Dune series...only two more to go.

Currently listening to: Kill Bill Soundtrack (Japanese version)

Teodor Semeniuk (1916-2003)

Ted, Gido, Grandpa...all of these names I've used to describe the strongest man I've ever known, who at the ripe old age of 87, passed from this world to begin his next journey.

I had the opportunity to race down to Two Hills on Thursday evening, after receiving a phone call from my sister, Debbie, informing me that he had suffered two consecutive strokes, and it would probably be my last chance to see this beloved patriarch of the Semeniuk family, as he wasn't expected to survive another day.

In all of his 87 years, despite a massive stroke when I was a child, despite the heart surgery, and various cancers, those last few hours I spent in his presence were the first I've ever seen him incapacitated, unable to move or speak, unable to respond. It was the first time he ever appeared weary, and though he'd fallen in to a coma before I was able to arrive, I was comforted to see him at peace - stricken but not defeated.

Comforting my Baba at his bedside, with tears in her eyes, she proudly told us stories of how he was just hours earlier, struggling to talk he asked about each individual member of our family - if I was enjoying University, how all of his grandchildren were, even the secret stash of Halloween candy he'd won at Bingo and was saving for them. Even as his body continued to fail him, he remained strong willed and proud. When my Baba, wearing a cast on her arm from a fall, tried to feed him, he told her lovingly in Ukrainian, "I can feed myself...you've got enough to worry about."

I've shed many tears over this man I love, and there will be plenty more in the days that follow. His strength will always be there for me to draw upon, and his compassion for those he loved is the greatest lesson in selflessness I've ever experienced.

87 years of life, and love to spare...we should all be so lucky.

Currently: Playing Zelda, 'cause life continues to move on.

Bachelor Chow

Ahh-haha-aha--aahaaha! The simple joys of being a young bachelor are seemingly endless! Aside from spending entire days in my pajamas, nay, weeks, the culinary arts remain a strange and forbidden realm that should only be traversed with step-by-step instructions.

However, a late-night expedition in to the "kitchen" (or area where food is supposedly stored and prepared for consumption) I happened upon a marvel exquisite in it's simplicity, and insidious in it's conception. Here's what you'll need:

01. Salted soda crackers
02. Margarine
03. Medium cheddar cheese
04. Tabasco sauce
05. Oh, and a knife or "cutting and spreading" instrument of some sort.

Put some margarine on one side of the cracker, generously cover surface with Tabasco sauce (the margarine prevents the Tabasco from seeping in to the cracker and making it mushy), and, BAM! top with a slice of cheese.

Currently listening to: Gastro-intestinal tract rebel against me

Death Star

For those of you in the know, and that would include those of you attending the University of Alberta and subsequently in my immediate circle of peers, we all revel in the sheer irresponsibility of skipping class, most notably skipping an entire day of classes. If you happened to have a calendar like the ones we all had in kindergarten, you would not receive a shiny Gold Star for your diligence, but in it's stead a smoldering Death Star of indifference.

For the first time this academic year I've successfully completed a Death Star Week, effectively skipping all 13 scheduled classes, and avoiding the dreariness of an accumulated 12h50min of lecture time.

Did I make the most of my well-deserved time off? Aside from cramming as much Sociological Statistics into my brain as humanly possible for my deferred Midterm - yes, I did nothing.

Currently: Wishing I'd obtained my BA in 4 years

End Transmission

*phone rings, pause Zelda*

Me: Y'ello?
Dean: Hey.
Me: Hey, what's up?
Dean: I just wanted to make sure I still knew how to do math.
Me: Well, you got it!
Dean: Okay, well, that's all I wanted.
Me: Sounds good, take it easy.
Dean: See ya.

*hang up phone, resume Zelda*

Currently: Getting Sociology 210 midterm deferred, study-time interfering with Zelda-time

Overworld Theme

Sweet, merciful heavens...I can't stop playing The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past on my computer. I never did finish this SNES classic back in 1992, and I'll be damned if I let another 11 years go by! 11 years of pixelated-related mental torture and that incessant low-health "blinging" ringing in my ears. B-bling, b-bling, b-bling, b-bling...ahhhhhhhhhhh, my kingdom for just one more heart!

It is nice to be reminded, however, that this older game is more challenging than Ocarina of Time and The Wind Waker combined.

*sigh* I might as well run across the street to 7-Eleven and pick up a cube of Pepsi, 'cause Gannon ain't gonna defeat himself.

Currently listening to: Genox - Style Intruders

The Man

Ahhhahahahaa-ha!

Foiled once again by the powers that be. Scavenging through my empty cupboards for something, anything, to appease my post-lunch-pre-supper cravings, I stumbled upon several canned goods - pineapple slices, tomato soup, and creamed corn. Alas, each of these tins proved to be a veritable Fort Knox, denying my entrance, namely because I don't actually own a can opener.

Surely there must've been something else! Inside the freezer I eye a box of microwave burritos, but, Vermillion Hells!, I don't happen to own a microwave.

Oooh! Oooh! Maybe these few pouches of Carnation Instant Breakfast will...er...no milk, eh?

*eyes last remaining box of Kraft Dinner* Oh right, no milk...

*fridge laughs in response to my obvious suffering* "You've got no margarine either, fucker!"

Currently: Gathering change for Toonie Twosday at KFC.

The College Years

It has come to my attention that everything I previously knew about webpage design was wrong, black is the new white, and my Pepsi is indeed Coca-Cola.

I woke up this morning all gung-ho about creating an HTML masterpiece, but a quick search through Google for tips pointed out that tables were for losers, and CSS (Cascading Style Sheets) were the way to go.

Whereas I was once filled with joy, fondly recalling caffeine-fueled nights hand-typing page upon page of code simply to indent a paragraph, those joyous memories have now been replaced with a deep sense of shame and wasted youth now that knowledge of CSS has entered my grey matter's lexicon.

So, fuck it, I'll just use the templates provided by Blogger.

Oh, how times change.

Currently listening to: Genuine Childs - Childs Play