Healthy Competition

Mwahahhahahah!

There's nothing like a little friendly competition between two companies which hold near-monopolies in their respective fields - Satan's own damnable spawn, Telus, and the exciting as dry toast, Shaw. Whereas Telus maintains it's icy grip on Edmonton's local telephone service, Shaw has engulfed nearly all cable TV providers. High Speed Internet, however, is where these two behemoths battle for supremacy.

Tired of dealing with the "customer service" whores at Telus (and hey, maybe I owed them a bit of money) I decided to give ol' Shaw a call and see if they'd throw a deal my way. Boy was I in luck. Not only do I get a free month and a reduced rate for 6 months, but they personally show up at your door to smash your Telus ADSL modem into a thousand pieces! These pieces are then scattered to the four corners of the Earth to quell any lingering demons they may have been imbibed with. Burning the modem, however, is not an option as pure evil cannot be incinerated.

Currently: Enjoying a certain degree of satisfaction

X-Country Disembowelment

For the purposes of this post, I'm going to take you back to yesteryear, to a time when life was carefree and happiness greeted you at every turn - yes, back to Reading Week of 4 days ago.

Now, I've got two scenarios for you, and your task is actually quite simple. Just go with your first gut reaction and answer which of the two you think would be more perilous and filled with fright and excruciating pain: 1) Being mauled to indistinction by a rabid, fucking ornery and hungry Grizzly bear, or; 2) Going cross country skiing on a sunny Winter's day? Don't think about it too much. Try not to over-analyze the scenarios. Now, what'd you pick?

The Grizzly bear gorefest?

Yeah, that's probably what my survival instincts would have persuaded me to choose too if not for an unforgettable afternoon of cross country skiing in Calgary's Olympic Park.

When I try to picture cross country skiing at the base of a ski hill I'd see a pleasant cardio workout involving a few mounds to overcome, but more-or-less a flat circuit that's hospitable to children and senior citizens alike. What awaited us at the Olympic Park was the snow-based equivalent of the American Gladiators Eliminator. How inadequate my thin ski's felt, partlialy locked in guide paths, as my body hurled down sheer cliffs, each sporting a break-neck turn at the peak point of acceleration - which would be the point where I breach the speed of sound, nay, light!

Thinking this would be, quite literally, a "walk in the park," and the gorgeous +7C weather, I hit the hill wearing nothing but pants, t-shirt, and toque. Perhaps this wasn't the best planning on my part, but at least the burns and holes ripped in my flesh were able to come into immediate contact with soothing ice and snow, you know, to prevent further swelling and bruising. In all my previous experiences downhill skiing and snowboarding I've never left a hill so battered and bruised...

...you've won the battle, Olympic Park, but I'll return to win the war!

Currently: Burning even more music to add to my massive mp3 collection!

Back to the Future

Much like the fabled Punxsutawney Phil, as glorified not in real life but in the riveting movie Groundhog Day, I poked my head outside in late January, perma-froze my brain and fingers in the punishing -45C weather, and decided it would be several consecutive weeks before I'd Blog again.

My intricately conceived plan to enjoy Reading Week, plus an additional few days, by having my Wisdom Teeth pulled immediately after the break and once school fired up again was utterly defeated by an under-skilled "dentist" in Vegreville. Upon seeing my x-rays he immediately threw up his arms in surrender and simply stated, "This is beyond my capabilities." Beyond his capabilities to extract 4 misguided teeth, eh? And just what late-night infomercial did he call to receive his degree!? Though I wasn't going to enjoy the remainder of my time off school, I did have the pleasant experience of being put under for the actual procedure, back in Edmonton.

I'd never been knocked unconscious before (unless you count the "I'm gonna live to a hundred and..." incident at George's) so I'm sure all my inquiries to the people around me were starting to get annoying. The actual experience was even cooler than anything I could have imagined! As the doctor injected his magical serum into my I.V., I felt a cold, tingling sensation down my arm, and a strange odour in my mouth. Knowing I didn't have much time I started to count down from ten...nine...eight...se....sev..........out! The very instant before you lose consciousness your eyes go all wonky and relax in completely different directions. Very cool.

Then nothing.

You don't dream. You don't experience any sensations. The hour and a half that they worked on my teeth passed by in the blink of an eye, and I opened my eyes in the recovery room. Quite literally, it felt like I had just time-traveled. I look forward to any and all future surgeries I have, just so I can experience general anesthetic again.

Just why my pants were undone I'm not quite sure, but I assume it had something to do with that $100 the Doc knocked off the bill...

Currently listening to: Jack Johnson - Times Like These

HTML Magic

Though nowhere near as exciting and scandalous as this site, I've been redirecting some of my website building skills for Lambda Chi Alpha, and have concocted a rather pleasing site for our little Chapter here at the University of Alberta.

You can check it out here if you so fancy.

Currently listening to: Oasis - The Hindu Times