Time Travel

After being 26 years old for a month now, I've realized Jeremy's lament that he "wouldn't have suggested turning 26" was painfully accurate.

This morning I completely bit it in the shower. Personally, I hadn't scheduled for that type of bathing incident until I was firmly in my 70's, but apparently incompetence knows no bounds.

One minute I was lathering myself up with some body gel and the next moment I was a crumpled heap in the bottom of the bathtub - one shampoo bottle completely destroyed, a numb left forearm, and pain radiating from all my extremities. The humiliation of physical injury is magnified by at least a factor of 5 when you're stark naked and clutching a frothy pink loofah for dear life.

Currently: Screwing around with mathematical functions in Excel.

To The Woodshed...

Though I might come off sounding a bit, well, retarded, I just can't seem to feel bad about losing 18 - 2 at ball hockey. It was a travesty of unimaginable proportions, to be sure, but I save my competitive rage for loses by fewer than 16 goals. Play hard and lose a game by 1, maybe 2 goals - that's hard on a guy's ego.

It's not that I'm not competitive or immune to the sting of humiliation when I lose, but what happened out there on the court went beyond one team playing better. It was evident after the first 3 minutes that our opponents could've done quite well in a higher division...perhaps, oh I don't know, the highest. To a man they were taller, faster, and stronger. I swear, when I took face-offs against their #2, I was practically eye-level with his navel!

Perhaps I walked away feeling good about the game because I was able to attain some personal goals. In my first game I think I was on the floor for half of the opposing team's goals. In this whuppin' my line was only victimized for one. I'm pretty sure I didn't win a face-off in my first game. Though we were getting beaten like rented mules, I managed to win about half of my face-offs. Also, I didn't trip over my own stick, score on my own net, or suffer any disfiguring injuries.

From where I'm standing, that embarrassment to the good game of hockey was an unmitigated success!

Finally, and to be completely honest, I go out there and run around like an idiot, or flop around in the crease because I'm having fun doing it. It doesn't matter if it's just the boys playing street hockey or us man-boys out there sporting Decepticon logos. I'm trying, and learning, and if what I do contributes to a victory that's just an added bonus. I appreciate the game because it's an opportunity to get together. To me, and I realize I'm bordering on the highest degree of corny-ness here, that hour of highs and lows, of those shared experiences, far outweighs the numbers on the scoreboard.

Currently: Praying that I won't be near immobilized for the next 3-4 days.

East Side Mario's < Steaming Rat Feces

Without hesitation, or lack of remorse, I would never recommend East Side Mario's to anyone wishing even an acceptable dining experience - not even my worst enemy.

Nicole and I first attempted to crash the Olive Garden but they estimated a 90 minute wait for a table. Forget that, our hungers needed satiation immediately. We kept heading south and ended up in South Edmonton Common, and to our future mutual dissatisfactions, decided to try a bit of American-Italian eating.

My God.

Though we only had to wait 10 minutes or so, we were escorted to a corner table in what I swear was the kiddy room. As we opened the menu's for the first time, Nicole casually observed how "sticky" hers was and pointed out the abundance of crusties between the laminated pages. The server came to take our orders and promptly tipped a container of whipped butter onto the table which then fell all over the floor.

When she returned with our waters and failed to clean up the mess.

After taking our orders she then swiped the menus off the table, smearing them directly over the whipped butter. I guess that solved the "sticky menu" conundrum.

She then returned with our unlimited salad and garlic bread and dropped a second container of whipped butter, this time directly in front of Nicole.

By the time our main courses arrived, we were still surrounded by gobs of whipped butter. We finally asked her to please clean up the table and she half-heartedly did so, practically pouting. By this point we felt no remorse in mentioning that she also forgot our appetizer.

This description, so far, really sounds like it was simply a bad experience with a terrible server. Sure, that was a pain to deal with, but the real reason East Side Mario's sucks ass is because the food is over-priced and terrible. The unlimited bread was dry and flavourless, and the unlimited "caesar salad" was soggy lettuce drowned in near-flavourless dressing. Not a crouton in sight. Our appetizer, calamari, not only tasted but also had the texture of something entirely artificial. I think I summed it up best when I described them as breaded condom rings.

Rubber gaskets would have also been an apt comparison.

The main courses themselves, though they were touted as the special features, were almost embarrassing to behold. Boil some pasta at home and slop on some Ragu and you've got the same thing for 1/10 the price. Nicole's shrimp, inedible. My "mini pork roast," 2/3 bone. Bah! It was absolutely awful. I feel as if words are failing me in trying to convey what a despicable restaurant the place was.

When we first got seated I made the comment that it appeared to be the "Red Robbins of Italian eateries, but now in retrospect, that comment is an unforgivable comparison to any restaurant.

Currently: Begrudgingly choking down my left-overs.

Humanmetrics

Which of the following individuals does not belong to the group?

a) Socrates
b) Rene Descartes
c) Sir Isaac Newton
d) Albert Einstein
e) Bob Newhart
f) Kristopher Skinner
g) C. G. Jung

Ha! It's a trick question! Following Nicole's lead, I filled out Jung's Typology Test and was considered to be an INTP, or an Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving.

As with most tests of this sort, regardless of medium, the validity of the results is always in question, as is just what the test might actually be measuring, but I still get a kick out of doing them. The INTP description felt like a pretty good fit, though I initially didn't agree with the "love of mathematics" part.

Then I got to thinking...

The math course I'm taking this semester is also my best, mark-wise. It frustrates me to no end, and I have little confidence that I can succeed in my assignments, yet I'm easily 25% above the curve. Perhaps ol' Jung-o ain't so far off the mark after all.

Currently listening to: The Oilers getting destroyed by the Coyotes! Bah!

Secondary School DS Lite

This morning was my third Study Buddy session at Coronation Elementary, and as usual, I was working with two Grade 5 students. I'm usually asked to help the students with either math or reading comprehension. My first session I did both, did all reading comprehension during my second visit, and today it was all math.

These kids are in the IB Program (re: for the smart kids) so they tend to know their stuff - getting them to do their homework or stay focused on task is the challenge with them. Anyways, their teacher had suggested that we could do supplement their assignments with some flash card work. Without premeditation, the thought stuck me that I had my DS with me and a copy of Brain Age. I explained to the teacher that it could work as "electronic flash cards" and she happily agreed.

Man oh man was it a great idea! I'd have the kids work on their assignments and once they finished a section and gave it to me to mark, I'd let them work on Calculations x20. I'd have them correct their mistakes, proceed to the next section, and the cycle would continue. In a nut shell, I roped in their attention with a videogame, they got a reward for doing well, and the whole while they were still doing their math!

Brilliant!

Currently: Looking forward to my first student teacher placement.

Warm Fuzzies

Whether they're actors or not, it's still fun to see their expressions as they play around with the Nintendo Wii Remote. I figure this thing will be reasonably priced by the time I graduate with my B.Ed.

Currently: Pouring over my EDIT 202 Powerpoint notes.

Of Academic Importance

01010100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110010 01101001 01100001 01101100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01000101 01000100 01001001 01010100 00100000 00110010 00110000 00110010 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100100 01101110 01110101 01101101 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100111 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101001 01101101 01110000 01101100 01100101 00101100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101001 01100011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01100110 01100101 01110011 01110011 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100011 01101100 01110101 01100100 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110101 01110011 01100101 01100110 01110101 01101100 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101110 01101011 01110011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01010000 01101111 01110111 01100101 01110010 01110000 01101111 01101001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 01100101 01110011 00101110

Binary to Text Converter
Arabic to Roman Numerals Converter
English to Pig-Latin Converter
The Klingon Language Institute
Job Posting for English-Klingon Bilingualists

Yes, that's right. Based on this latest set of lecture notes, my EDIT 202 mid-term exam tomorrow afternoon will be a strange one indeed.

Currently listening to: Our Lady Peace - Wipe That Smile Off Your Face

At A Medium Pace

Twenty-six. The big 2 - 6. The square root of 676. This past Sunday was my latest in a series of annual birthdays and it was a delicious milestone. Apparently Jeremy would have advised me not to turn 26, but, well...here we are.

A handful of us went down to Gabbana: Casual Dining for a taste of inexpensive Asian-fusion dining. I'd been there once previously, quite some time ago, and it was my immediate choice after Unheardof was discovered to be far more pricey than my conscience would allow.

While waiting for a table I glanced around the room and was stricken by an eerily familiar sight. I turned to Nicole and whispered, "Hey, that guy with the glasses over there...he looks...he looks just like Mayor Mandel." Nicole didn't think it was quite an ominous coincidence. "Uh, Honey, that is Mandel." While I bartended at the Shaw Conference Centre I had the chance to serve Bill "The Best City in the Best Province in the Best Country in the World!" Smith and he was a non-tipping, pompous ass. This brush with celebrity was far less enraging.

To sum up the restaurant in one word - delicious. Despite having to resort to my 3rd menu choice, the Teriyaki Chicken Stirfry (the Carmelized Beef Brisket and Glazed Pork Medallions were both out), I wasn't disappointed. The house red wine at $15 for a 1/2L was also a tasty, refreshing deal. By the time desert arrived, which I quickly devoured, I was pleasantly full, though not overly-stuffed, as the meal had already lasted nearly 2 hours.

That was the best part of all - it's labeled "casual dining" for a reason. There was no rush to get in, eat, and get out. It was an atmosphere that encouraged conversation and relaxation. Going out to eat, especially with a group of loved ones, should only partly be about assuaging your hunger pangs.

So, over the course of the evening as I enjoyed great food and waxed poetic about "growing" homemade meat and eating babies, I couldn't help but appreciate that it was a great start to my 26th year.

Currently: Basking in the post-nervousness glow of writing mid-term exam 3-of-5.

Dry Run

Nearly an entire month since I last posted? That would have to mean I'm already 1/8 done my Education degree! Woo! Only 7 eighths to go.

I'll be heading down to Coronation Elementary for an interview tomorrow. Aside from a few chance encounters with my nieces and nephews over the past 10 years, I'll readily admit that my exposure to children is lacking... so I signed up for EPS's Study Buddy Program. Every school has different needs, but you're typically expected to volunteer 1 hour per week, tutoring either a single child or a small group of children. I won't know the specifics of Coronation's expectations until the interview. Needless to say, I'm excited to get my first, primordial, taste of being an educator.

I'm hoping my child will need help with dodgeball.

Currently: Watching the first season of Battlestar Galactica. Awesome.

Now You Know!

Google is a calculator! All these years and I had no idea...I guess this EDIT 202 course isn't a waste of my time after all. Try it out and see.

Currently: Trying out (4 * 2) -10 / 2 =

Corporate Crack Dealers

Fashion designers should be ashamed of themselves.

I'll be the first to admit that with the emergence of "low-rise" jeans, the occasional, fleeting glimpse of female butt cleavage was a new experience not entirely displeasing. Flash forward a good half decade (perhaps even longer) and the entire crack phenomenon has spiraled dangerously out of control!

It seems female dungarees now start at low-rise and progressively work down to super-ultra-low-rise...jeans, sweats, skirts, you name it. There is virtually nothing else for women to buy. Combine this fashion hijacking with shirts that insist on being deceptively short along the backside, and we've got ourselves a recipe for copious amounts of relentless ass crack.

This year at the University has been particularly bad. With a female to male ratio of nearly 40-1 in Elementary Education, this once endearing, juvenile indulgence has been unjustly overwhelmed by my classmates and their continuously exposed derriers. I'm forced to pretty much stare at the ceiling as lectures end and rows of female students arise lest I be blinded by the fluorescent light refracting at various angles off their acres of exposed flesh.

I may be a man, and a man who enjoys the curvaceous figure of the finer sex, but there's a time and a place for appreciating it. My 9:00am Math 160 lecture isn't one of those places. Shame on you fashion industry, shame on you indeed.

Currently listening to: The crinkling moans of wind on tinfoil.

Break Out The Tweed Jacket

"Nurturing children is judged very closely to molesting them... A public perception is that men who teach primary grades are often homosexuals, pedophiles or principals (in training)."

That is a quote from The ATA Magazine which also happens to be in the final assigned reading in my EDU 250 course - I chose to read the article first. I can honestly say that my foray into Elementary Education will be met with unprecedented challenges unlike any I've faced before. Never before have I had to contend with such powerful, negative (and decidedly misinformed) social stigma.

I prefer to counter my initial quote with this one:

"Schools demonstrate daily that child care is women's work. Female teachers, by their presence, demonstrate that caring is what women do. The men are 'out there.' I believe that the absence of men shows that children are not valued in our culture. It seems to me that in our patriarchal society, if children are highly valued, men would be present. Men would regard this as men's work. If children represent the future, then perhaps the future is not valued. Perhaps our society's lack of interest in raising our children shows that we are truly living only for today."

More on this looming social and professional enigma as it develops, my friends.

My first week in pursuit of a second university degree has been overwhelmingly positive and unexpectedly invigorating! It's a completely different feeling to be in the midst of a professional program - a program which is actively preparing you for a career. A program being taught by actual former teachers, who love teaching, and can't wait to ignite that fire within each of us. What a drastic departure from Sociology TA's, who exude utter disdain for undergraduates, yet are forced to "teach" them to further their academic pursuits.

From day one the Faculty of Education made it very clear that it would use every available resource at its disposal to help us students excel. The staff were present at Orientation to congratulate us for our acceptance into the program and offer preemptive offers of support. It's nice to be reminded that new learning environments and philosophies exist within the same institution I've spent the better part of the past decade in.

I can feel it already - this is the start of something great in my life.

Currently: Fighting to type accurately on my new, ergonomic keyboard.

Sweet Re-design!

I figured it was time to spruce up the ol' blog and get it ready for a whole new year of actual, frequent use.

My foray into the realm of Elementary Education begins the next phase of my life and I'm absolutely certain I'll have a few things to say about it along the way. Aside from some residual nervousness about returning to University, where I've already spent a great deal of time and money, I'm starting to get very excited about the upcoming experience.

I'm not just excited about challenging myself to learn something new, but also about some of the goals I've set for myself. Among other things, these goals include managing my savings properly, biking to school for as long as possible, eating well (re: NO bought lunches from HUB/SUB/CAB), a proper sleeping schedule, continual exercise (heck, I've put off the UofA karate club for too long!), and on they go...

Anyways, I'll be sure to keep in touch and update you guys on my progress. As for the new site design, if you're thinking this page is looking pretty blank, it's probably because you're not using Explorer. For some odd reason the template doesn't work with Mozilla?

Currently listening to: Matthew Good Band - The Fall of Man

iTunes-a-palooza 2006

According to iTunes, my music library currently stands at 1499 songs. For those of you keeping score at home, it's taking up 7.67 GB of space and can play continuously for 4.1 days.

Quite frankly, that's a shit-load of music.

Currently listening to: Metric - Glass Ceiling

$40,000.00 per b/w copy

Lo and behold! A mere 11 months and 17 days after completing the final, but necessary, course credits, the University of Alberta has actually bestowed my degree parchment upon my person!

I've gotta tell you folks, after finishing school 3 years later than expected, attending my convocation ceremony 10 months after that point (where my name was not in the program nor had they printed my parchment), and then waiting another month for them to mail my parchment (they'd still forgotten to get the damn thing printed!) this whole farce has ended overwhelmingly anti-climacticly.

Let's see, what did I figure I'd be doing at age 25 when I started University at the tender age of 17? With my law degree in hand I'd have already been workin' the legal system for 3 years, well on my way to "Freedom 55."

Such naive, teenage dreams...

...though workin' the rigs to try and afford returning to school for another degree isn't really all that different, right? Clocking in at 27 years old before "entering the real world" shouldn't be my continual, self-imposed shame, should it?

Time to look on the positive side. One goal accomplished, another soon to be!

Currently: Watching Maizey devour the last of her "ultra-compressed" rawhide bone.

The Ultimate UV Protection

A rather ingenious way to avoid a nasty bout of the melanoma is to avoid the damaging rays of the sun altogether. This is something I have accomplished for most of the month of June.

How you ask?

Have I conjured up some sort of mirrored bubble-suit? Do I lurk in the musty confines of Edmonton's sewers by day, only to nocturnally feed on drunken Whyte-avers thrice a week? Well, not quite. I simply told Statistics Canada to cram their paper-filing sweatshop with walnuts, and returned to Tri-City Drilling. I've been placed on the night crew, which works daily from 19:00-07:00. Though I enjoy watching the sun set and then rise every shift, it's a poor trade-off for completely flipping my internal clock.

Quite a bit has actually occurred since my last post, including (in no particular order) my Convocation Ceremony, the winning of a vintage Paul Coffee jersey, the purchase of one Nintendo DS Lite, the eating of a delicious chicken salsa omelet, and discovering the art of borrowing books from the Edmonton Public Library. More on this to come!

Currently: Thinking myself a fool for being up at this hour!

Chinese Water Torture

That pretty much sums up my working experience with the 2006 Census. I was led to believe, over the course of completing my Sociology major, that employment with Statistics Canada was the proverbial mountain top of disciplinary satisfaction. Though such a bold claim may still hold true, it definitely does not correlate directly to what I've been hired to accomplish.

I've uttered an oath of secrecy to Big Brother, which is binding for L-I-F-E, so I'll have to be as vague about my job as possible. My first two shifts were spent staring blankly at my cubicle wall, once all possible topics of co-worker conversation were exhausted, as there was apparently "nothing to do, yet." Surely the cogs of statistical enumeration would be put into motion after the long-weekend! Right?

I spent my third shift embroiled in solving mind puzzles, watching the first period of the Oilers game over supper, then printing 1200 recruitment posters for a higher-paid position than mine. It was my function to feed the paper into the printer and extract the posters in piles of 20. The higher-ups then took these piles of 20, jammed them all together, and distributed them to my co-workers...who were given the task of sorting them into piles of 20 for envelope encapsulation. At some point I also made a "sign-in" form in Excel.

Thursday night I made a few more forms in Excel since management was impressed with my spreadsheet-abilities from the previous shift, stared off into blank space until supper, when I watched the Oilers get destroyed in the first period, and finished the shift off by completing all the puzzles in the Journal. At the shift's conclusion, management was still unsure as to when our "work" would be arriving.

Normally I wouldn't mind being paid to do nothing, but I'm doing nothing at a much lower rate of pay than I was led to believe, for far fewer hours than "full-time employment" categorically entails. I must've missed the memo outlining how 2 + 2 = 5.

I will give the Feds credit for one thing - they sure aimed high when hiring us office drones...just ask the Physics Honours student, the girl accepted into Dentistry, or the Science undergraduate with a published book on Harmony Theory! There's probably a Nobel Prize winner lurking around the Zerox machine, sobbing softly into his $6.00/month-water/coffee-pool coffee.

Currently: Wishing I hadn't drunk so much coffee during the night shift.

I Hear They're Awesome Live

Nicole and I had the chance to check out The Constantines at the Starlight Room last evening, but things did go slightly awry.

The tickets stated "doors open at 8pm" which would lead you to believe that things would get underway shortly thereafter. We decided to watch the last two periods of the Oilers game in the lounge area, not too concerned about missing the opening acts.

After the game we wedged ourselves into the concert area, it was almost 10:30, and it looked like the roadies were setting things up for the Constantines. To our astonishment, these "roadies" then began to play! It was the FIRST opening act, and at one point the singer thanked the Constantines for loaning them their instruments.

By the time we got into the second act, and the clock approached midnight, it was evident we were in no shape to wait for the headliners. We were tired, sore, and far too emotionally spent from our house inspection to last any longer. We shuffled home, dodging the human feces on the stairs down to Bellamy Hill, and crawled doe-eyed into bed.

Currently: The proud owner of a membership to the Starlight room - it was still a cool place!

Weekend Leisure?

God himself rested on the seventh day, but lo!, no such luxury extends to the modern, urban man.

In the twilight hours of Saturday morning I'll be making my way back to Vegreville to help my parents build a new deck. I've been known to swing a hammer once or twice in my day, so by default, I'm a carpenting dynamo. While I'm out there I'll also be setting up a computer for the Die's - an abandoned unit in need of a loving home. At some point in the evening, I'll then race back to Edmonton to attend Russel's secret birthday party. Ssshhh!

Though I don't know about you, I find personal knowledge of my birth-date is more than enough to prevent its yearly occurrence being an absolute surprise...

And then there's Sunday. Oh, Sunday! Nicole and I will be attending our very first house inspection. Purchasing a house is a terrifying proposition for anyone incapable of using cash for the entire amount. For two individuals still somewhat stuck in "poor, credit-denied student mode" (okay, perhaps me more so than my better half) it's daunting to partake in a financial transaction involving 6 figures, to be paid back over an equal amount of time to how long we've presently existed on this Earth. Nicole and I have been veritable powder kegs of stress, exuberance, uncertainty, and conviction. At the same time it's also an exciting step forward, and a manageable one, if we exercise strict financial vigilance.

Finally, to celebrate/unwind/de-stress, we'll be attending the Constantines show at the Starlight Room later Sunday evening.

Currently: Secretly hoping I won't need to return Monday to finish the deck!

Mid-week Satisfaction

Ahhh...though I'm sure I won't be able to walk tomorrow morning, it sure felt great to play some ball hockey after nearly 10 months on the shelf. I got to break in my sweet new equipment, which felt a bit awkward at first, but increased in comfort substantially by the end of things. The result was a 1-1 split, with some decent saves and more than a few misplays.

But hey, it's not easy shaking off 309 days worth of rust.

Currently: Overpowered by the used-equipment funk which has permeated my pores.

Selfless Concern

Dear Shaw Internet Customer

In order to provide all Shaw Internet customers with an optimal Internet experience we proactively assess our network. Through our analysis we have noticed that the level of activity on your Internet account is more than 30 to 50 times that of our average Internet user.

We would like to help identify the cause(s) of the heavy traffic that may be affecting your computer's performance and most importantly your Internet experience. Often a file sharing program can be the cause of high amounts of traffic. Not only will this affect the flow of traffic on the Internet it also puts a major strain on your computer's resources.

For more information about how large quantities of Internet traffic can adversely affect your online experience please click here: http://support.shaw.ca/assistance/filesharing

If you need assistance please click here to find your local Shaw telephone number: http://support.shaw.ca/contacts.htm

PLEASE NOTE:

We ask that the account holder reply indicating they have read this e-mail and will address this issue.

To view the Acceptable Use Policy please visit: http://www.shaw.ca/en-ca/AboutShaw/TermsofUse/AcceptableUsePolicyInternet.htm

Thank you for your cooperation.

Internet Assistance Team
SHAW) High Speed Internet Services

Oh, come on now, 50 times that of the average high speed user? I admit, quite a bit of data passes through my ol' PC, but I'm pretty sure Shaw's high-balling this figure. Then again, if the average user is simply checking their email and doing their banking, than a single 24GB download containing all 6 Star Wars DVDs just might boost my usage stats!

CurrentlyRevelingng in the Oilers' 6-3 pounding of the Sharks.

The Streak Continues!

Though it's almost difficult to comprehend, my ball hockey inaction streak now stands at an impressive 8 months and 3 weeks.

So help me God, if the rest of you were out there playing this Sunday and failed to call me, I'll hunt each and every one of you down in an increasingly fantastical murderous rampage...

Currently: Downloading "Nineteen Eighty-Four"

The Art of the Slow Clap

There's a certain finesse that must be utilized in choosing the correct euphemism for any given situation. Heck, as I write this, I'm not entirely sure euphemism is even the correct phraseology I'm looking for...

Anyways, for the past day or so, I've had the burning urge to inject the phrase "[that is] as useless as tits on a firehydrant" into casual conversation, yet have failed to find such an enlightening opportunity.

Currently: Thankful I was able to enjoy a day on the slopes, courtesy of Nicole's generosity.

I Sensed A Challenge...

Lo and behold, here is my "nerd score" revealed at last:


To be honest, it was quite a few percentage points higher than I anticipated, but that's not to say I'm disappointed with the results. My enviable physical exterior and frat-boy imbibed history have worked quite well at masking the inner-geek that dwells within.

Perhaps if you had the opportunity to marvel at my Star Trek: TNG collector card sets, hermetically sealed within my parents' basement, my results would come as no surprise at all.

Currently: Quite concerned that I've already been up an hour past my bedtime.

"Honey, I'm Ho-ooome!"

Rocky Mountain House, AB - The very city where my return to Tri-City Drilling began was also home to the end of that full-time relationship. It's Spring Break Up and I'm finally home from the "patch." Sure, I'll exploit that money pool throughout the next few years on a casual basis, but no more 14-days on/7-days off for me!

This doesn't mean I've got the rest of the summer to goof off, of course. I'll be working here in the city to ensure the mound of money I managed to save for the school year doesn't dwindle over the next 4 months - I'd be very upset indeed if the past 8 months of solitude were for naught.

As I haven't played a single game of ball hockey since last August I fully expect I'll be getting a few phone calls over the summer months to suit up...Lord knows we won't be cooped up indoors watching the Oilers tear through the playoffs.

Currently listening to: Middle Class Gangsters - Matthew Good Band

Tyrannosaurus Maizey: 1, Pre-Historic Evergreen: 0

Game, set, and match. What the mighty dinosaurs and the frigid Ice Age could not accomplish, Maizey has done so in less than 24hrs!

As you can imagine, I was quite excited when my Amazing Desktop Dinosaur Plant arrived in the mail. I was absolutely convinced it was the one plant I'd be able to keep alive...so much for that optimistic theory.

Lo, and gaze upon yon utter destruction:








The plant-killer herself. Look at those ravenous eyes!

Fig. A - "Ravenous!"
Currently: Getting ready to head on back to work.

Expired Narcotics

I'm starting to understand just how Dad must feel at times, though his back has about 30 more years on it than mine.

Bound and determined to do something exciting and memorable during Nicole's days off work, we solidified plans to rent some cross-country skis and amble around Elk Island National Park. After checking the park website it was determined that Maizey couldn't come with us on the trails, so I playfully swept her off the bed for a brief moment of rough stuff before putting her in her kennel. After a few seconds of wriggling fun I was blinded by shooting, stabbing pain and crumpled to the floor in a moaning heap. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to straighten up. It hurt to do anything but stay perfectly still.

I couldn't believe, especially considering the physical work I do, that I'd pulled my back lifting a 50lb dog.

Though I'd just ruined our splendid plans for the day, Nicole was at least level-headed enough to get me to a chiropractor ASAP, who worked me over nicely. It hurt to breathe because several of my ribs were out of place, so he got those back in line with a series of sickening pops. He then twisted and turned me for a few more minutes, despite my whimpering and grimacing.

As of right now I feel okay, since I've been laying around most of the day, but it would sure be better is my Tylenol 3's hadn't expired in early 2004...

Currently: Marveling at my new, virtually un-killable, Pre-Historic Evergreen!

It Truly Is A Dog's Life

I had originally planned to use this post to bitch about and/or chronicle how exasperated Edmonton's record snowfall had left me, but figured it would be far more pleasant to let you enjoy the sight of Maizey and her new, utterly gargantuan rawhide bone! Behold:





The little monster devoured her first rawhide bone in mere hours, so having been once thwarted, I upped the ante with something a bit more sizeable. It's been nearly a week and she's barely dented it! Ha! That is why I posess the opposible thumbs and the highly developed frontal lobe and the whatnot.

Currently: Getting ready to hop into bed after enjoying a night out at the Princess Theatre.

"Uh, Supernintendo Chalmers!

Lo and behold, the Universe has seen fit to put the impressionable youths of the nation under my, eventual, educational tutiledge. I've been accepted into the Elementary Education After Degree program at the University of Alberta! Soon it will be time for me to retreat from the "real world" back to the cozy confines of academia...I might as well go shopping for my leather-elbowed tweed sports jacket post haste.

Currently: Working the secretary angle here at Champion Chiropractic.

So Fresh and So Clean, Clean...

While at work we had a few hours (re: nine of 'em) of sitting around while waiting for the cementers to arrive, so we took it upon ourselves to install a brand new lens cleaning station. Two screws, two nuts, and two washers later, the sparkling white contraption was in place:



Currently listening to: Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body

Interesting Logic

Did God Create Evil?

The university professor challenged his students with this
question:

"Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything?" the professor asked.

"Yes sir," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God
created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that
our works define who we are, then God is evil."

The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the
students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was
a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question
professor?"

"Of course," replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor , does cold exist?"

The professor replied "Of course it exists. Have you never been
cold?"

The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist.
According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in
reality the absence of heat.

Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or
transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body, or matter, have or
transmit energy. Absolute zero (- 460 degrees F) is the total
absence of heat. Cold does not exist. We have created this word
to describe how we feel if we have no heat.

The student continued. "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir. Darkness does
not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light.
Light, we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's
prism to break white light into many colors and study the various
wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple
ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it.
How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the
amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term
used by man to describe what happens when there is no light
present."

Finally the young man asked the professor. "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have
already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of
man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and
violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing
else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least
it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God.
It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to
describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the
result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in
his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or
the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name --- Albert Einstein

Currently: Enjoying a quick 32 hours off work before returning to Whitecourt, AB.

'tis Almost Spring

Another week off has come and gone, and it looks like I'll be heading back up to Grande Prairie for a few more days. I was actually quite shocked to discover just how huge that city really was! I had no idea there were 50,000+ people up there. I was expecting something like Lloydminster, if even that, and instead got something as large and ammeni-plenty as Red Deer.

Anyways, the company website has a "rig finder" service on it, so feel free to check it out if you're ever curious as to just where the hell I'm at. I'm working for Tri-City Drilling on Rig #13.

I'll be back in Edmonton on March 15th, but until then, ciao!

Currently: Over fondu-ed and more than a little sad to be pulling back out of town.

z$zZ$$zz @ time-and-a-half!

What else did you expect me to be doing for a mere $38.25/hr.? It wasn't all guilt-free sleeping bliss, however, as my arms remained numb for countless minutes after I awoke!

Currently: Wishing I'd kept in better touch over the past 4 months...