Chinese Water Torture

That pretty much sums up my working experience with the 2006 Census. I was led to believe, over the course of completing my Sociology major, that employment with Statistics Canada was the proverbial mountain top of disciplinary satisfaction. Though such a bold claim may still hold true, it definitely does not correlate directly to what I've been hired to accomplish.

I've uttered an oath of secrecy to Big Brother, which is binding for L-I-F-E, so I'll have to be as vague about my job as possible. My first two shifts were spent staring blankly at my cubicle wall, once all possible topics of co-worker conversation were exhausted, as there was apparently "nothing to do, yet." Surely the cogs of statistical enumeration would be put into motion after the long-weekend! Right?

I spent my third shift embroiled in solving mind puzzles, watching the first period of the Oilers game over supper, then printing 1200 recruitment posters for a higher-paid position than mine. It was my function to feed the paper into the printer and extract the posters in piles of 20. The higher-ups then took these piles of 20, jammed them all together, and distributed them to my co-workers...who were given the task of sorting them into piles of 20 for envelope encapsulation. At some point I also made a "sign-in" form in Excel.

Thursday night I made a few more forms in Excel since management was impressed with my spreadsheet-abilities from the previous shift, stared off into blank space until supper, when I watched the Oilers get destroyed in the first period, and finished the shift off by completing all the puzzles in the Journal. At the shift's conclusion, management was still unsure as to when our "work" would be arriving.

Normally I wouldn't mind being paid to do nothing, but I'm doing nothing at a much lower rate of pay than I was led to believe, for far fewer hours than "full-time employment" categorically entails. I must've missed the memo outlining how 2 + 2 = 5.

I will give the Feds credit for one thing - they sure aimed high when hiring us office drones...just ask the Physics Honours student, the girl accepted into Dentistry, or the Science undergraduate with a published book on Harmony Theory! There's probably a Nobel Prize winner lurking around the Zerox machine, sobbing softly into his $6.00/month-water/coffee-pool coffee.

Currently: Wishing I hadn't drunk so much coffee during the night shift.

I Hear They're Awesome Live

Nicole and I had the chance to check out The Constantines at the Starlight Room last evening, but things did go slightly awry.

The tickets stated "doors open at 8pm" which would lead you to believe that things would get underway shortly thereafter. We decided to watch the last two periods of the Oilers game in the lounge area, not too concerned about missing the opening acts.

After the game we wedged ourselves into the concert area, it was almost 10:30, and it looked like the roadies were setting things up for the Constantines. To our astonishment, these "roadies" then began to play! It was the FIRST opening act, and at one point the singer thanked the Constantines for loaning them their instruments.

By the time we got into the second act, and the clock approached midnight, it was evident we were in no shape to wait for the headliners. We were tired, sore, and far too emotionally spent from our house inspection to last any longer. We shuffled home, dodging the human feces on the stairs down to Bellamy Hill, and crawled doe-eyed into bed.

Currently: The proud owner of a membership to the Starlight room - it was still a cool place!

Weekend Leisure?

God himself rested on the seventh day, but lo!, no such luxury extends to the modern, urban man.

In the twilight hours of Saturday morning I'll be making my way back to Vegreville to help my parents build a new deck. I've been known to swing a hammer once or twice in my day, so by default, I'm a carpenting dynamo. While I'm out there I'll also be setting up a computer for the Die's - an abandoned unit in need of a loving home. At some point in the evening, I'll then race back to Edmonton to attend Russel's secret birthday party. Ssshhh!

Though I don't know about you, I find personal knowledge of my birth-date is more than enough to prevent its yearly occurrence being an absolute surprise...

And then there's Sunday. Oh, Sunday! Nicole and I will be attending our very first house inspection. Purchasing a house is a terrifying proposition for anyone incapable of using cash for the entire amount. For two individuals still somewhat stuck in "poor, credit-denied student mode" (okay, perhaps me more so than my better half) it's daunting to partake in a financial transaction involving 6 figures, to be paid back over an equal amount of time to how long we've presently existed on this Earth. Nicole and I have been veritable powder kegs of stress, exuberance, uncertainty, and conviction. At the same time it's also an exciting step forward, and a manageable one, if we exercise strict financial vigilance.

Finally, to celebrate/unwind/de-stress, we'll be attending the Constantines show at the Starlight Room later Sunday evening.

Currently: Secretly hoping I won't need to return Monday to finish the deck!

Mid-week Satisfaction

Ahhh...though I'm sure I won't be able to walk tomorrow morning, it sure felt great to play some ball hockey after nearly 10 months on the shelf. I got to break in my sweet new equipment, which felt a bit awkward at first, but increased in comfort substantially by the end of things. The result was a 1-1 split, with some decent saves and more than a few misplays.

But hey, it's not easy shaking off 309 days worth of rust.

Currently: Overpowered by the used-equipment funk which has permeated my pores.

Selfless Concern

Dear Shaw Internet Customer

In order to provide all Shaw Internet customers with an optimal Internet experience we proactively assess our network. Through our analysis we have noticed that the level of activity on your Internet account is more than 30 to 50 times that of our average Internet user.

We would like to help identify the cause(s) of the heavy traffic that may be affecting your computer's performance and most importantly your Internet experience. Often a file sharing program can be the cause of high amounts of traffic. Not only will this affect the flow of traffic on the Internet it also puts a major strain on your computer's resources.

For more information about how large quantities of Internet traffic can adversely affect your online experience please click here: http://support.shaw.ca/assistance/filesharing

If you need assistance please click here to find your local Shaw telephone number: http://support.shaw.ca/contacts.htm

PLEASE NOTE:

We ask that the account holder reply indicating they have read this e-mail and will address this issue.

To view the Acceptable Use Policy please visit: http://www.shaw.ca/en-ca/AboutShaw/TermsofUse/AcceptableUsePolicyInternet.htm

Thank you for your cooperation.

Internet Assistance Team
SHAW) High Speed Internet Services

Oh, come on now, 50 times that of the average high speed user? I admit, quite a bit of data passes through my ol' PC, but I'm pretty sure Shaw's high-balling this figure. Then again, if the average user is simply checking their email and doing their banking, than a single 24GB download containing all 6 Star Wars DVDs just might boost my usage stats!

CurrentlyRevelingng in the Oilers' 6-3 pounding of the Sharks.

The Streak Continues!

Though it's almost difficult to comprehend, my ball hockey inaction streak now stands at an impressive 8 months and 3 weeks.

So help me God, if the rest of you were out there playing this Sunday and failed to call me, I'll hunt each and every one of you down in an increasingly fantastical murderous rampage...

Currently: Downloading "Nineteen Eighty-Four"