You can always tell when a university student has a large load of urgent and pressing assignments to finish or exams to prepare for - their living quarters are decidedly cleaner than at any other point in time.
As I put the finishing touches on a take-home midterm exam and conclude studying for another midterm exam occurring in less than 12 hours, my apartment has become quite an inviting place indeed. Gone are the overflowing garbage cans and piles of dirty dishes which perfumed the air with the scents of bachelor living. Clean is the living room and kitchen and even bathroom. Hell, I went so far as to actually scrub the bathtub and rid it of 10 months of compounded grime!
Seeing as how the take-home midterm had to be typed, it took an enormous strength of will to actually concentrate on it and not browse laxly through websites, download music and movies, or whittle the hours away playing online games. Blogging, however, is exempt from the realm of "procrastinating" as it enables me to collect my thoughts, regain my sanity, and re-double my efforts on the task at hand...
...the task at hand being to locate tonight's episode of The Sopranos for downloading.
Currently listening to: Matthew Good - While We Were Hunting Rabbits
Monday, May 31, 2004
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Anthropological Haiku
Young leaf, potent oak.
Her wild, fallen temple dives.
Swift tibia, blunt blossom.
~~~
Path thin and leaping,
Contending by the egret;
Mournful, gnarled vertebra.
~~~
Never free, but hard,
The man knows no sad spirits.
Gladdened, he studies.
Currently listening to: Saves The Day - Collision
Her wild, fallen temple dives.
Swift tibia, blunt blossom.
~~~
Path thin and leaping,
Contending by the egret;
Mournful, gnarled vertebra.
~~~
Never free, but hard,
The man knows no sad spirits.
Gladdened, he studies.
Currently listening to: Saves The Day - Collision
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
These Old Bones
Ah, another precious long-weekend has come and gone, and if my next "holiday" is anything like this last one, I'll be in traction before I'm 25!
When Mom left me an urgent message on my answering machine to call her back right away I was actually naive enough to drop everything I was doing, as any good son should, to assuage her panicked state. Her tone was far different during my inquiring call, however, and I quickly discovered it was a clever (and successful) ploy to retain my services for a Saturday's worth of back-breaking labour back in Vegreville. Not wanting to suffer alone, I convinced Nicole to accompany me down Highway 16, to the heart of Pyrogy County, under the unassuming guise of a little landscaping - though she insists that she was recruited for a little gardening.
What ensued was an afternoon so labourious and intensive that a full-scale terra-forming of the lunar surface would have paled in comparison.
It was a back-yard-cobble-stone-sidewalk-project which would have killed inferior specimens of the human species, but Nicole and I persevered, though the pain and partial paralysis of today has probably made us both wish we hadn't. Who would have thought that hours upon hours of being hunched over and rubber-mallotting interlocking bricks with Tetris-like precision would have exacted such a toll on our young bodies!?
There were moments today when lying on the solid living room floor was pure Heaven, and the mere thought of sitting up was enough to send spasms of pain through the length of my bruised and abused body. I want to end the life of all those HGTV renovation show programmers who've corrupted my parent's minds with deceptively evil do-it-yourself projects.
On a more positive note, I did take an overflowing basket of laundry back home with me, so as I lay immobilized on my floor, counting and cataloging the speckles on my ceiling, it will be with the clear conscience of knowing that I'm at least wearing clean underwear.
Currently listening to: Sam Roberts - This Wreck of a Life
When Mom left me an urgent message on my answering machine to call her back right away I was actually naive enough to drop everything I was doing, as any good son should, to assuage her panicked state. Her tone was far different during my inquiring call, however, and I quickly discovered it was a clever (and successful) ploy to retain my services for a Saturday's worth of back-breaking labour back in Vegreville. Not wanting to suffer alone, I convinced Nicole to accompany me down Highway 16, to the heart of Pyrogy County, under the unassuming guise of a little landscaping - though she insists that she was recruited for a little gardening.
What ensued was an afternoon so labourious and intensive that a full-scale terra-forming of the lunar surface would have paled in comparison.
It was a back-yard-cobble-stone-sidewalk-project which would have killed inferior specimens of the human species, but Nicole and I persevered, though the pain and partial paralysis of today has probably made us both wish we hadn't. Who would have thought that hours upon hours of being hunched over and rubber-mallotting interlocking bricks with Tetris-like precision would have exacted such a toll on our young bodies!?
There were moments today when lying on the solid living room floor was pure Heaven, and the mere thought of sitting up was enough to send spasms of pain through the length of my bruised and abused body. I want to end the life of all those HGTV renovation show programmers who've corrupted my parent's minds with deceptively evil do-it-yourself projects.
On a more positive note, I did take an overflowing basket of laundry back home with me, so as I lay immobilized on my floor, counting and cataloging the speckles on my ceiling, it will be with the clear conscience of knowing that I'm at least wearing clean underwear.
Currently listening to: Sam Roberts - This Wreck of a Life
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Break-neck Pace
I had a boss who used to joke that when he was younger he did go to school, "In the front door...then right out the back one." Ever attended Spring/Summer classes at University? It goes by so fast it's a marvel to behold. They essentially take a 4 month course and compress it into 6 weeks! Here's a sample of my calendar. Keep in mind that this is only for 2 courses:
May 26 - Project #1
May 27 - Lab Midterm Exam
May 31 - Midterm Exam
May 31 - Midterm Exam
June 02 - Abstract for Oral Presentation
June 07 - Oral Presentation
June 09 - Project #2
June 15 - Lab Final Exam
June 18 - Final Exam
June 18 - Final Exam
Whew...that's tiring just to type out! I'm then free for 16 whole days before the next semester fires up. So, if over the course of the next few weeks I don't return your calls or show up to your birthday, or whatever, know that it's probably because it's occurring before, during, or after one of the dates listed above.
Currently: Envisioning astonishing academic success at great personal/social sacrifice...
May 26 - Project #1
May 27 - Lab Midterm Exam
May 31 - Midterm Exam
May 31 - Midterm Exam
June 02 - Abstract for Oral Presentation
June 07 - Oral Presentation
June 09 - Project #2
June 15 - Lab Final Exam
June 18 - Final Exam
June 18 - Final Exam
Whew...that's tiring just to type out! I'm then free for 16 whole days before the next semester fires up. So, if over the course of the next few weeks I don't return your calls or show up to your birthday, or whatever, know that it's probably because it's occurring before, during, or after one of the dates listed above.
Currently: Envisioning astonishing academic success at great personal/social sacrifice...
Friday, May 21, 2004
That Dairy Queen's A Bitch
I've been supremely mislead by the machinations of corporate advertising. I know, I know, you might be shocked to hear this as well, but the product I've seen advertised in no way lived up to my expectations.
It’s new. It’s hot. It’s spicy. It’s something different from Dairy Queen®.
It’s the FLAMETHROWER™ Burger on the Dairy Queen menu just in time for National Hamburger Month in May. The FlameThrower™ is made with two all-beef patties, whole leaf lettuce and sliced tomato, and topped with zesty Jalapeño bacon, spicy Pepper Jack cheese and tangy Tabasco Chipotle mayonnaise.
Though still a tasty burger, by no means should Tabasco be considered a flavouring of cataclysmic consequences. Are there really people out there who recoil at the extremeness of zesty Jalapeño bacon? And while we're at it, just what the fuck is "zesty" supposed to mean? It's kinda like "tangy," in that neither of the words means a damn thing. Do you know the difference between zesty and tangy? If I put pepper on a banana, does that make it zesty!? They're both fabrications of the food in dustry to facilitate selling mediocre products with exciting descriptions.
However, the bottom line is that I did not whimper in fear at the burger, did not torch my surroundings with an ultra cool napalm breath, and certainly did not think that I finally found a restaurant item which lived up to the claim of being insanely hot.
Currently listening to: The Weakerthans - Aside
It’s new. It’s hot. It’s spicy. It’s something different from Dairy Queen®.
It’s the FLAMETHROWER™ Burger on the Dairy Queen menu just in time for National Hamburger Month in May. The FlameThrower™ is made with two all-beef patties, whole leaf lettuce and sliced tomato, and topped with zesty Jalapeño bacon, spicy Pepper Jack cheese and tangy Tabasco Chipotle mayonnaise.
Though still a tasty burger, by no means should Tabasco be considered a flavouring of cataclysmic consequences. Are there really people out there who recoil at the extremeness of zesty Jalapeño bacon? And while we're at it, just what the fuck is "zesty" supposed to mean? It's kinda like "tangy," in that neither of the words means a damn thing. Do you know the difference between zesty and tangy? If I put pepper on a banana, does that make it zesty!? They're both fabrications of the food in dustry to facilitate selling mediocre products with exciting descriptions.
However, the bottom line is that I did not whimper in fear at the burger, did not torch my surroundings with an ultra cool napalm breath, and certainly did not think that I finally found a restaurant item which lived up to the claim of being insanely hot.
Currently listening to: The Weakerthans - Aside
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Intersection of Hooker St. and Hobo Ave.
Ah, what a glorious section of the city I live in. The Avenue of Nations, it's called, and judging by the rent I pay, you'd think it was a gated community with servants and beach-front villas down in the tropics.
But no, the only people around who accept money for giving you a hand are gangly hookers, and that's not the sound of the ocean you're hearing, but stolen grocery carts being wheeled down the back alley at 6:00am.
What really gets me, though, is the no-holds-barred mobilization of the Police in this part of town. I pulled up to my apartment to run in and use the phone before heading back out...I couldn't have been on the phone for more than a minute. When I came back outside, a car had been pulled over near the end of my alley, swarmed by 5 squad cars and a paddy wagon! Either I hadn't been paying attention when I first pulled in, or this massive scene of Edmonton's finest simply materialized spontaneously out of errant atoms and kinetic energy.
They had one guy in cuffs and another two lined up along a building, but a dozen officers for 3 people seems a bit much. Meanwhile, the hookers watched on in patient professionalism, eager to reclaim their turf once the boys in blue vacated.
Currently listening to: Saves The Day - My Sweet Fracture
But no, the only people around who accept money for giving you a hand are gangly hookers, and that's not the sound of the ocean you're hearing, but stolen grocery carts being wheeled down the back alley at 6:00am.
What really gets me, though, is the no-holds-barred mobilization of the Police in this part of town. I pulled up to my apartment to run in and use the phone before heading back out...I couldn't have been on the phone for more than a minute. When I came back outside, a car had been pulled over near the end of my alley, swarmed by 5 squad cars and a paddy wagon! Either I hadn't been paying attention when I first pulled in, or this massive scene of Edmonton's finest simply materialized spontaneously out of errant atoms and kinetic energy.
They had one guy in cuffs and another two lined up along a building, but a dozen officers for 3 people seems a bit much. Meanwhile, the hookers watched on in patient professionalism, eager to reclaim their turf once the boys in blue vacated.
Currently listening to: Saves The Day - My Sweet Fracture
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Mr. Mach: Slumlord at Large
Relatives gone down to Toronto, eh George!? What perfect timing! Nicole and I are thinking of checking out The Distillers down in Cow Town on May 23, and it'd be rather corking of you if you had an extra couch or two.
Then again, seeing as how it's not actually your house, you might want to okay it with the rightful owners. Or, OR!, you could arrange that they have some sort of "accident" thus enabling the two of us to share accommodations with you.
Brilliant!
Currently listening to: Finger Eleven - Famous
Then again, seeing as how it's not actually your house, you might want to okay it with the rightful owners. Or, OR!, you could arrange that they have some sort of "accident" thus enabling the two of us to share accommodations with you.
Brilliant!
Currently listening to: Finger Eleven - Famous
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
New Look For Spring
Hey there! Despite my full schedule I thought it would be a nice idea to fool around with the site and give it a new look. I'm not so sure if I prefer this template over my old one, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
I'm hoping to try out some of the new features, like the comments that can be posted by anyone who reads my Blog. Since my old Shoutbox seems to be out of commission, it's nice and convenient that this option has been added to the site.
Though I don't seem to be posting rants/glorious insights on a regular basis, I do tend to keep the information in the right column up to date.
Ciao!
Currently listening to: Billy Talent - Voices of Violence
I'm hoping to try out some of the new features, like the comments that can be posted by anyone who reads my Blog. Since my old Shoutbox seems to be out of commission, it's nice and convenient that this option has been added to the site.
Though I don't seem to be posting rants/glorious insights on a regular basis, I do tend to keep the information in the right column up to date.
Ciao!
Currently listening to: Billy Talent - Voices of Violence
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
05/04 nttr ttf cb tmrw morning
I probably wrote that line, or various indistinguishable permutations of it, at least a few dozen million times at work this evening. There's moments when this bastardized short-hand of the English language sends shivers down my spine and cools my endtrails - does the term "Newspeak" mean anything to you? How about "Ingsoc"? That's right, having finished my annual reading of George Orwell's masterpiece Nineteen Eighty-Four, I feel like some sort of comrade deep in the heart of the Ministry of Learning, working like mad on my own little task, kept from seeing the larger picture of just what we're collectively accomplishing.
My actual reason for posting, though, it that I wanted to proclaim loudly that Spring in Edmonton Sucks. I worked a 7-hour shift this evening, and whereas I was able to rollerblade to work without a jacket, I almost lost my ears to the swirling winds and bitter, slushy cold on my way home! The weather programs may have warned me about today for the past few days, but that doesn't negate the fact that the weather choosing to turn 180 degrees on a whim is totally unacceptable.
I mean, it's 2004 already! Where's the flying cars, moon buses, and satellite controlled weather? Somewhere between 1950 and now scientists and inventors have gone horribly astray. Sure, I might be able to get an erection at 80 with a half-life of 24hrs, but what good is that if I'm not "doing" some 4-breasted space babe from another galaxy...over my lunch hour!?
Freak snow storms and lost appendages are not what I would have envisioned, that's for sure.
Mayor Bill Smith will be the first to orate that we Edmontonians live in the "greatest city, in the greatest province, in the greatest country in the world [and greatest galaxy in the greatest universe, I would assume - Ed.]!" but I don't see him pushing City Council to immediately fund some sort of fantastical environmental dome over this unpredictable burg. You better hope this isn't an election year, mister, because judging by the Mother of all Ear Aches that I've got going on, you've just lost yourself a vote.
Currently: Rebuilding my "completely legal" mp3 collection.
My actual reason for posting, though, it that I wanted to proclaim loudly that Spring in Edmonton Sucks. I worked a 7-hour shift this evening, and whereas I was able to rollerblade to work without a jacket, I almost lost my ears to the swirling winds and bitter, slushy cold on my way home! The weather programs may have warned me about today for the past few days, but that doesn't negate the fact that the weather choosing to turn 180 degrees on a whim is totally unacceptable.
I mean, it's 2004 already! Where's the flying cars, moon buses, and satellite controlled weather? Somewhere between 1950 and now scientists and inventors have gone horribly astray. Sure, I might be able to get an erection at 80 with a half-life of 24hrs, but what good is that if I'm not "doing" some 4-breasted space babe from another galaxy...over my lunch hour!?
Freak snow storms and lost appendages are not what I would have envisioned, that's for sure.
Mayor Bill Smith will be the first to orate that we Edmontonians live in the "greatest city, in the greatest province, in the greatest country in the world [and greatest galaxy in the greatest universe, I would assume - Ed.]!" but I don't see him pushing City Council to immediately fund some sort of fantastical environmental dome over this unpredictable burg. You better hope this isn't an election year, mister, because judging by the Mother of all Ear Aches that I've got going on, you've just lost yourself a vote.
Currently: Rebuilding my "completely legal" mp3 collection.
Monday, May 03, 2004
01 Stalingrad Polka.mp3
Hahhahahhahhaaaah!!!
Here's one FWD: that I received in my inbox that I actually appreciated, not only because it wasn't another 500lb naked woman screwing a midget, but because it brought back fond memories of my illegally hoarded mp3 collection.
Before the inevitable blue screen of doom locked up my computer, I was in the midst of adding to my 4000+ mp3 collection with utter crapulence. No album was out of my reach, and my propensity to download every single song for an artist and meticulously arrange them all into albums, with the appropriate album cover artwork on the folder, and label them in a uniform manner, bordered on a form of mental disorder I'd rather not know about. But alas, one Windows XP re-install later, and my 192kbps digitally compressed treasure trove of ill gotten goods was gone...
...even my pirated screener of The Passion of the Christ! The look on Nicole's face was somewhere between shock, disgust, and holy fear when she exclaimed, "You stole a movie about Jesus!?" I had no witty reply at the time, but weeks of late-night contemplation assured me that movies about Jesus should be open and free to all. Besides, it's not polite to argue about things like religion or politics. Silver City and their $15 tickets aren't going to come between me and my faith!
Yeah, you heard me!
Currently listening to: The Weakerthans - One Great City!
Here's one FWD: that I received in my inbox that I actually appreciated, not only because it wasn't another 500lb naked woman screwing a midget, but because it brought back fond memories of my illegally hoarded mp3 collection.
Before the inevitable blue screen of doom locked up my computer, I was in the midst of adding to my 4000+ mp3 collection with utter crapulence. No album was out of my reach, and my propensity to download every single song for an artist and meticulously arrange them all into albums, with the appropriate album cover artwork on the folder, and label them in a uniform manner, bordered on a form of mental disorder I'd rather not know about. But alas, one Windows XP re-install later, and my 192kbps digitally compressed treasure trove of ill gotten goods was gone...
...even my pirated screener of The Passion of the Christ! The look on Nicole's face was somewhere between shock, disgust, and holy fear when she exclaimed, "You stole a movie about Jesus!?" I had no witty reply at the time, but weeks of late-night contemplation assured me that movies about Jesus should be open and free to all. Besides, it's not polite to argue about things like religion or politics. Silver City and their $15 tickets aren't going to come between me and my faith!
Yeah, you heard me!
Currently listening to: The Weakerthans - One Great City!
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